Last year I had the great pleasure of meeting an awesome woman who told me a story of how God used her, and specifically her silence, in a difficult season for her family. She explained that God had counseled her that her help was not needed in advising her husband regarding the loss of his job. She had several suggestions about how he might revise his resume, or network with people, but she was essentially told by the Creator of the World to "Shut Up". It was said lovingly, of course, but the message was clear.
After listening to my friend tell her story, I realized that I had been giving my well meaning advice to someone for quite a while. I also realized that my advice and counsel were not helping, but I couldn't seem to stop offering it. I began praying for this gift that my lady friend had been given. She called it the "gift of SHUT UP".
Throughout the spring of 2014 I continued to pray that I would receive the "gift of SHUT UP". I journaled about it, prayed for it, asked repeatedly for God to come through. I was having difficulty keeping my advice to myself, thinking all along the way that I had some valuable input, some unthought of solution to a particular problem. I did not.
In June, I was on an island in Haiti when my request was granted. I'd gone with a team of Americans to the Island of LaGonave, Haiti where we were working in a hospital helping locals. On June 20, I began feeling sick. I was running a slight fever, my throat hurt, my ear ached. I felt as though I had an sinus infection. It was our last day on the island and I was ready to get home. Haiti in June is hot, that is another understatement. It's humid and downright uncomfortable. Being sick and hot and humid was more than I had bargained for. Our team had to travel back to the mainland across the Bay of Haiti on a boat that was right out of Gilligan's Island. Sick was not something that I wanted to be. As the team began preparations to take the boat back to the mainland, I could not wait to be home.
Getting home from Haiti proved to be a bit of a challenge. We encountered closed airports, diversions to other countries, changes and delays. We arrived in Miami in the early morning hours of June 22. Tired and sick, I finally got back to the United States but my voice had been left on the mainland of Haiti some 12 hours earlier.
After returning to Colorado I sought medical attention. Weeks passed without any result. I was seen by 3 different specialists and had 2 CT scans before I received the diagnosis
Vocal Cord Parasis, otherwise known as the gift of SHUT UP.
It took 65 days before I could speak above a faint whisper. I spent the entire summer stuggling to be heard, trying to communicate and feeling frustrated.
I learned alot in the journey of silence, or near silence. I learned to be careful what you pray for. God certainly hears our prayers but His answers are often different than anticipated. I learned that God has something to say and I cannot hear if I am talking. And lastly, it was reaffirmed to me that I am not the Holy Spirit for anyone, and the Holy Spirit is not asking for my help.
I no longer pray for the "gift of SHUT UP" but I am glad that I received it. I got to know God a little better in the quiet. I got to know myself just a little better too.
