Make me an instrument

As a young girl I was told that I'd have to pick a confirmation name and a person to represent me on confirmation day. Not knowing why really or what that meant,  as a act of obligation rather than spiritual connectedness, I was told that choosing my Aunt was the right thing to do.  I wasn't particularly fond of this Aunt and I certainly wasn't fond of the name I was strongly encouraged to take.

Francis....seriously?!

So like all the good Catholic girls I put on the white dress, veil, shiny white shoes and best of all, ruffled socks. I confirmed my faith as I was told to do and added the name Francis to my already difficult to pronounce name. That day I became Constance Sue Francis, literally Connie Francis!  The embarrassment I felt of having that silly name lasted awhile.    What that had to do with Jesus I still don't understand.

But Francis slowly was woven into my tapestry.  The thread was small and not a prominent color, but  a subtle, surprising thread woven into me - spiritually.  Not by any planning or conscience thought, but by the Creator who knew from the start that names mean something.

After confirmation I began reading about St. Francis.  I read about a man conflicted with his earthly Father, devoted to doing something of purpose for those less fortunate by earthly standards.  A thread that began being woven in a young girl in a cathedral in Missouri became more an example to me as I read of a life lived in devotion to God.  He has been a part of my spiritual journey, without any real planning, from that point on.

On my wedding day, it was the prayer of St. Francis that my new husband and I decided to read, the life of St. Francis that I find so compelling, and today while walking a very difficult journey with my sister, it is St. Francis that God once again brings to mind.

Make me an instrument, Lord.

I am a planner.  I am most comfortable when I know days or sometimes weeks in advance of an event every last detail.  I currently have four color coded calendars linked to my phone with each appointment filled out to include date, time, location and notes of the appointment.  Even if I have been to the location many times in the past, I still fill in the address on the location line of my calendar entry - each time.  If those calendars change or update too frequently, I become antsy, sometimes agitated.

My husband travels for work. Often. Sometimes I travel along. He books the flights, arranges the hotel and the rental car.  He checks us in for the flights, downloads the boarding pass to my phone, makes dinner reservations, purchases any event tickets and takes care of all the details while we are on the road.

When we first began traveling together I would be concerned about all of these details.  It has taken a few years to realize I don't have to know exactly where we are going, which rental car company is being used, where the hotel is located, who are we meeting for dinner, at what restaurant, what time and what address.

I don't have to know because my husband knows. He knows the plans. I just follow along and reap the benefits of his planning.  I trust that my partner knows the details of the plan.

What if I treated God that way?

In the book of Jeremiah, the scripture tells us that God speaks, God warns, and He declares.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

What if I trusted God's plan so completely that I didn't have to know the details. Instead of asking God for the timing, the location, the particulars, what if I just trusted His plan?

What if I focused on the first three words...."For I know" - God knows. He knows.

I don't have to know because my God knows.  He knows the plans. I just follow along and reap the benefits of his planning.  I trust that my savior knows the details of the plan.

That is enough for me.